The Thing About Looking Crap (on purpose)

A couple of weeks ago I made a film with friends for the Glastonbury Film Challenge. It’s here if you want to see it. (It’s funny and worth a look.)

The thing is that when we planned to do this film challenge, I looked at myself on camera for the first time a couple of months ago and thought I looked awful. so I embarked on a programme of weight loss and facial exercises, skin moisturising and hair tidying so that I would look presentable on camera. I wanted to feel good about the way I looked so that I would feel confident on camera. (Something that I am really really not, as a rule.)

Well the programme worked. By counting calories using My Fitness Pal, I lost nearly a stone. I found better make-up for on camera that made me look smoother, my cheekbones reappeared (a little, I have a round face) and I felt ready for anything.

So there we were, at the competition, and we got our genre and title. Just so you know, its a 5 day competition and you are given your genre and title by putting your hand in a bag of options and that’s it! Off you go and turn in a completed film in 5 days. Our genre was, Mockumentary and title was What Happens when you Die. Rachel had a brilliant idea for it and we were ridiculously excited.

Our Fabulous writer and director Rachel Whitelock sent me off to transform into a drug addict instantly along with my lovely co-star Chris Constantine.

I shoved some gunk into my hair painted shadows on my face, ripped my tights,it was great. But here’s the thing, the thing about looking crap that I hadn’t thought of.  It was one of the most liberating weekends ever. When I woke up on Sunday to film again, looking rough, my first thought wasn’t “oh dear” it was “great, less to do!” How incredibly freeing to look like rubbish and to not care. How amazing to have people say that you look the part, how great to be thinking about the job in hand and not to give a DAMN how you look. For it to be a good thing if your eyes run! I tell you, it was a good feeling.

Finally,I had to ask myself, was all that effort wasted? Am I glad or sorry I tried so hard beforehand?

Well I am glad. I think of losing that weight as 100% positive for me. Feeling lighter (and believe me I really did need to lose that stone) has given me more energy, I fit into clothes from 2 years ago which has saved me money, I’m taking better care of my health by not eating so much junk, so yes it was worth it.

And by the way, we won 🙂

Susi xx